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ACTING PLAYS t 

DRILLS AND MARCHES } 

EN TERTAINMENTS 

A new copyright series suitable for amateur representation, especially 
adapted to the uses of schools. The Plays are fresh and bright; the Drills 
AND Marches meet the requirements of both sexes, of various ages ; the 
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An Irish Engagement (lively and laughable) 4 2 

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Which Is Which? (graceful, comijal and bright) 3 3 

Lend Me Five Shillings (provokes continuous mirth) 5 2 

How to Tame Your Mbther-in-Law (extravagantly comical)... 4 2 |^ 

Mutcahy'S Cat (Irish low life— Harrigan style) ^ ^ i 

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"CRANFORD" DAMES 



n Play In jm Scenes, for Temale Cbaracfers 



Adapted from Mrs. GaskelVs Novel "• Cr an ford. ^ 



,^ 



BY 



ALICE BYINGTON 



Copyright, iqoo, by Harold Roorbach 



«^ 



NEW YORK 
HAROLD ROORBACH, PUBLISHER 

132 Nassau Street 



1 



T^^^^ . 
.^I^'^^^ 



57109 



1-JbPMj 



' y of C«ni4r»st 

'wo Cufi£s Hictmo 
OCT 5 1900 

SECCNO copy. 
OHDtK DIVISION, 

U^QL.23J90(Lj 




^^CRANFORD^' DAMES. 



, DRAMATIS PERSONAE. 

Miss Matilda Jenkyns, .... The Rector's Daughter. 

'Mrs. Jamieson, Sister-in-Law to an Earl. 

Mrs. Forester, The Widow of a Major. 

Miss Pole, . . . ; A Friend of Miss Jenkyns. 

Miss Mary Smith, ... Miss Jenkyns's Young Cousin. 

Miss Betty Barker, A Retired Milliner. 

Martha, Miss Jenkyns's Maid. 

Peggy, Miss Barker's Maid. 

Six Brides. 

Time. — 183-. Place. — Cranford, England. 
Time of Representation. — One hour and a half. 

The first, third, fourth, and fifth scenes occur in Miss Jenkyns's 
parlor. The second scene at Miss Barker's. 



COSTUMES-Fashions of J83-. 

Miss Jenkyns. — Home dress. Purple flowered and flounced 
muslin gown. Hair dressed high, with side curls. Caps. Black 
embroidered silk apron. Low shoes. White stockings. Very 
wide lace collar. Party dress. Yellow gown, with mitts and 
a cap. A showy brooch. Large flower brimmed bonnet. Old- 
fashioned cashmere shawl. She carries a purse containing small 
silver pieces. 

Mrs. Jamieson. — Very stout. Widow's dress. Hoops. High 
cap. Calash. Wrap. 

Miss Pole. — For f>arty. Blue brocade dress. Wide lace collar. 
Seven brooches. Cap, shawl, calash, veil, mitts, purse. For calls. 
Shawl and bonnet. Gray dress. 

Mrs. Forester. — For party. Handsome black gown, with lace 
shawl, cap, and mitts. Lace at throat. Calash, veil, wrap, purse. 
For calls. Bonnet and shawl. 



4 ''Cranfofd'* Dames. 

Miss Barker.— Fo;* calls. A flowered and flounced white and 
green muslin skirt. Purple pelisse. Mitts. Lace handkerchief. 
Very large and much trimmed hat. White embroidered lace veil. 
Fluttering ribbons. For party. Rich purple satin and velvet gown 
trimmed with white lace. Pink crepe turban with white pompon. 
Showy brooch. 

Martha and Peggy. — Old-style maid's gowns. White caps and 
aprons. 

Bridesmaids. — White dresses, veils, gloves, and wreaths. 
Bouquets. 



PROPERTIES. 

For Miss Jenkyns^s Parlor. — Old-fashioned furniture. Small 
table. Small dining-table. Foot-stool. Four chairs. Vase of 
flowers. Portraits on wall. Mirror. Hand-bell. Oranges cut 
so that the juice can be easily squeezed by the lips. Decanters 
and wine-glasses. Crackers. Two candles in candlesticks. 
Lamplighters. Extinguisher. A tray. Knitting and embroidery. 
A sealed letter. An open letter. Dessert. Table service. 

For Miss Barker's Parlor. — A small dog with an immense 
bow of ribbon. Table spread for six persons. Tea-service. 
Cakes. Salad. Six plain chairs. Easy-chair. Playing-cards. 
Tray, with decanter and glasses. Mirror. Picture-books. A 
large tray. Long strips of newspaper stitched together. Lighted 
candles on tea and card tables. Purses for the ladies. Advertis- 
ing card or circular. 



^^CRANFORD^^ DAMES^ 

FIRST SCENE. 

Miss Jenkyns's parlor. Doors r. and l. Old-fashioned portraits 
on walls. Table c, wi^/i &t'// and vase of flowers. Miss 
Matilda Jenkyns is DISCOVERED seated r. of table, her 
feet on a foot-stool. Miss Mary Smith sits l. of table. 
Both ladies have knitting or embroidery. 

Miss Matilda. It is such a comfort to have you here, dear. 
Since my dear sister's death, I am well aware that I have no 
attractions to offer. It is only to the kindness of my friends that 
I can owe their company. 

Mary Smith. You know how I love dear old Cranford, and 
you, dear Miss Matty. 

Miss M. Have you bureau drawers enough? I don't know 
exactly how my sister used to arrange them. She had capital 
methods. She understood training servants, and I don't know 
what to do with this new girl. Did you notice how she bounced 
the potatoes on the table ? 

Miss S. She is a rough girl, but she has a good, honest face. 
I liked her looks the first time I saw her. 

Miss M. I told her she was to have no followers. And what 
do you think she said? "Please, ma'am, I never have but one 
at a time." 

Miss S. Of course, you told her she could not have one? 

Miss M. Of course. But I wish you would have a little private 
talk with her. I'll send her up. {Rings bell, and EXIT l.) 

ENTER Martha, r. 

Miss S. I hope you find your place comfortable, Martha. 

Martha. Well, ma'am, missus is very kind, and there's plenty 
to eat and drink, and no more work but what I can do easily, 
but— 

Miss S. But what, Martha? 

Martha. Why, it seems so hard of missus not to let me have 
any followers. There's such lots of young fellows in the town; 
and many a one has as much as offered to keep company with me. 
And I may never be in such a likely place again, and it's like 



6 ** Cranford *' Dames* 

wasting an opportunity. Many a girl as I know would have 'em 
unbeknownst to missus; but I've given my word, and I'll stick 
to it. And it's such a capable kitchen — there's such good dark 
corners in it — I'd be bound to hide any one. I counted up last 
Sunday night — for I'll not deny I was crying because I had to 
shut the door in Jem Hearn's face, and he's a steady young man, 
fit for any girl ; only I had given missus my word. 

Miss S, I will speak to Miss Matty about Jem. 

Martha. Thank you, miss. (EXIT, r.) 

Miss S. What will Miss ^Matty say? She will think I have 
gone over to the enemy. But why shouldn't a pretty girl like 
Martha have her follower? 

ENTER Miss Matty, l. 

Miss M. Oh, my dear, I forgot to say that our friends have 
sent to inquire how you are after your journey. They will give 
you some rest to-morrow, but the next day, I have no doubt, they 
will call, so be at liberty after twelve — from twelve to three are 
our calling hours. And I dare say your mamma has told you, 
my dear, never to let more than three days elapse between receiv- 
ing a call and returning it, and also that you are never to stay 
longer than a quarter of an hour. 

Miss S. But am I to look at my watch? How am I to find 
out when a quarter of an hour has passed? 

Miss M. You must keep thinking about the time, my dear, and 
not allow yourself to forget it in conversation. 

ENTER IMartha, r. 

Martha. Miss Betty Barker is below. May she speak to the 
mistress? 

Miss M. Yes, yes; but it is not twelve yet. Wait five minutes, 
Martha, while I change my cap. We wear our old caps in the 
sanctity of home. (EXIT, l.) 

Miss S. Who is Miss Betty Barker, Martha? 

Martha. Why, miss, she used to be lady's maid to Mrs. Jamie- 
son, and then she and her sister set up a milliner's shop, and then 
her sister died and Miss Betty shut up shop and retired from 
business. She has set up a cow too. And she dresses finer than 
any lady in Cranford, for she's wearing out all the caps and 
bonnets she could not sell. Did you ever hear, ma'am, of Miss 
Betty's cow that fell into a lime pit? 

Miss S. No. Why, she must have been burned to death. 

Martha. No, she was soon taken out, but she lost all her 
hair. Miss Betty cried, and was thinking of giving the beast 



I 



''Cranfofd" Dames, 7 

a bath of oil; but Captain Brown, just in joke, ma'am, told her 
to get a flannel waistcoat and flannel drawers ; and Miss Betty 
did. You ought to have seen the town turn out to see that cow 
going to pasture dressed in dark gray flannel. 

ENTER Miss Matty, l., her best cap on top of her old one. 

Miss M. You may bring Miss Betty up, Martha. 

[EXIT Martha, r. 

Miss S. So Miss Barker is a retired milliner? 

Miss M. Yes, but she sold only to the elite. No caps nor 
ribbons to any one without a pedigree. Oh, how angry the 
farmers' wives used to be ! Lady Arley has sometimes lent her 
the pattern of a cap. 

ENTER Betty Barker, r. ; she courtesies. 

Good-morning, Miss Barker, I am very glad to see you. Miss 
Barker, let me introduce my young cousin. Miss Smith from 
Drumble. 

Miss S. (aside). What is the matter with Miss Matty's head? 

Betty B. Glad to make your acquaintance, miss. (Down 
stage; aside.) Drumble! Cotton mills! I hope her father has 
not engaged in that horrid cotton trade and dragged his family 
out of aristocratic society. (Miss Matty gives her a seat.) Miss 
Jenkyns, will you excuse my presumption? My former occupa- 
tion considered, will you excuse the liberty? 

Miss S. (aside). Oh, she has found out that double cap, and 
is going to rectify Miss Matty's head-dress. 

Betty B. I came to ask if you would do me the honor, the very 
great honor, to take tea at my house next Tuesday. I hope Miss 
Smith will accompany you. (Miss Matty bozvs.) 

Miss S. (aside). Oh, that cap will fall off! 

Betty B. Mrs. Jamieson most kindly and condescendingly said 
she would be happy to come. One little stipulation she made, 
that she should bring Carlo. I told her if I had a weakness, it 
was for dogs. 

Miss M. And Miss Pole? 

Betty B. I am going to ask Miss Pole. Of course, I could 
not think of asking her until I had asked you, madam — the rector's 
daughter, madam. Believe me, I do not forget the situation my 
father held under yours. 

Miss M. And Mrs. Forester, of course? 

Betty B. And Mrs. Forester. I thought, in fact, of going to 
her before I went to Miss Pole. Although her circumstances 



8 "Cranford'' Dames. 

are changed, madam, she was born a Tyrrell, and we can never 
forget her alliance to the Bigges of Bigelow Hall. 

Miss M. She's a very good card-player. Mrs, Fitz-Adam — 
I suppose — ? 

Betty B. No, madam ; I must draw a line somewhere. Mrs. 
Jamieson would not, I think, like to meet Mrs. Fitz-Adam. {To 
Miss S.) In Cranford some may be poor, but we are all aristo- 
cratic. I have the greatest respect for Mrs. Fitz-Adam, but I 
cannot think her fit society for such ladies as Mrs. Jamieson and 
Miss Matilda Jenkyns. 

Miss M. Just a choice and select few. 

Betty B. May I beg you to come as near half-past six, to my 
little dwelling, as possible. Miss IMatilda? Mrs. Jamieson dines 
at five, but has kindly promised not to delay her visit beyond that 
time — half-past six. Good-morning, Miss Jenkyns. {Deep cour- 
tesies.) Good-morning, Miss Smith. {Stiff how.) Tuesday, at 
half-past six. (EXIT, courfesying, r.) 

Miss S. Why not Mrs. Fitz-Adam? 

Miss M. She is the sister of our surgeon. Her parents are 
respectable farmers, content wath their station. But their name 
is Hoggins. Such a coarse name ! though, as my sister Deborah 
used to say, it would not be much better if it were changed to 
Piggins. We used to hope there was a relationship between Mr. 
Hoggins and that Marchioness of Exeter whose name was Molly 
Hoggins. But the foolish man utterly denied any relationship. 
What could we do? Mrs. Fitz-Adam married and went off. 
Then her husband died — I'm sure none of us knew who he was 
— and then she came back, a well-to-do widow, dressed in rustling 
black silk. We used to think that bombazine would have shown 
a deeper sense of her loss. However, we all called upon her, all 
but Mrs. Jamieson. You know the Hon. Mrs. Jamieson, sister- 
in-law to the late Earl of Glenmire? 

Miss S. Oh, yes ; I have heard of her. And so Mrs. Fitz-Adam 
did get into Cranford society? 

Miss M. Yes, we thought she had settled in Cranford in the 
hope of being admitted to the society of the town, and if this had 
been her hope, it would be cruel to disappoint her. Besides, as 
Miss Pole said, as most of the ladies in Cranford were elderly 
spinsters or widows without children, if we did not relax a little 
and become less exclusive, by and by we should have no society 
at all. 

Miss S. I always understood that Fitz meant something aristo- 
cratic ; there was Fitz-Roy. I think that some of the king's 
children have been called Fitz-Roy ; and there was Fitz-Clarence, 
now— they were the children of dear, good King William the Fourth. 



''Cranfofd" Dames, 9 

Fitz-Adam ! It is a pretty name, and I think it probably means 
" child of Adam." No one who had not some good blood in their 
veins would dare to be called Fitz ; there's a deal in a name. I had 
a cousin who spelled his name with two little ^'s — ffoulkes — and 
he always looked down upon capital letters, and said they be- 
longed to lately invented families. I was afraid he would die 
a bachelor, he was so very choice. When he met a Mrs. ffarington 
at a watering-place, he took to her immediately; and a very 
pretty, genteel woman she was — a widow with a very good for- 
tune. And my cousin, Mr. ffoulkes, married her, and it was all 
owing to her two little if's. 

ENTER Martha, r., zvith a note, zvJiich she gives to Miss Matty. 

Miss M. (reads it). O, Mary, my cousin. Major Jenkyns, 
who has lived in India thirty years, writes that he and his wife 
are on their way home, and would like to spend a night in Cran- 
ford if it will suit me to receive them into my house. Of course, 
it must suit me. All Cranford knows I have a bedroom at liberty. 
Oh, how shall I manage? I wish he had stayed in India. Oh, 
no, dear, I don't mean that ! Forget that I said it. Oh, how 
must I manage? If Deborah had been alive, she would have 
known what to do with a gentleman visitor. Must I put razors 
in his dressing-room? Dear! dear! and I've got none. Deborah 
would have had them. And slippers and coat-brushes? 

Miss S. Probably he will bring all these things with him. 

Miss M. And after dinner, how am I to know when to get 
up and leave him to his wine? Deborah would have done it so 
well ; she would have been quite in her element. Will he want 
coffee, do you think? 

Miss S. I will attend to the coffee, and teach Martha how to 
wait on the table. 

Miss M. We will have her up now and teach her. 

Miss S. Now, Miss Matty? 

Miss M. Yes, nozv. I must have it off my mind. (She rings 
bell.) 

ENTER Martha, r. 

Miss M. (zvith great dignity). Martha, my cousin, Major 
Jenkyns from India, is coming here. Miss Smith will teach you 
how to wait. 

Miss S. Take the vegetables round to people and let them 
help themselves. 

Miss M. And mind you, go first to the ladies. Always go to 
the ladies before the gentlemen when you are waiting. 



to 'Xranfofd'' Dames. 

Martha. I'll do as you tell me, ma'am, but I like lads best. 
Miss M. That will do, Martha; you may go to the kitchen. 
(Martha starts toward r. door.) 

CURTAIN. 



SECOND SCENE. 

A Lapse of Three Days. 

Miss Barker's parlor. Doors r. and l. Tea-table spread, c, 
with six chairs about it. Old-fashioned mirror l. c. Easy- 
chair down R. Card-table up l. Miss Barker is DISCOV- 
ERED, kneeling l., arranging paper paths. Peggy stands 
R., ivith a tray in her hand. 

Peggy. What are you putting all this paper on the carpet for, 
ma'am? 

Miss Barker {arranging paper strips). It rained hard this 
morning, and I do not want my new carpet to be soiled. 

Peggy. I think these paths look rather queer. 

Miss B. (rising). That's because you have not been in society, 
Peggy. I heard that Miss Jenkyns once gave a party and spent 
the whole morning before cutting out and stitching together 
pieces of newspaper, so as to form little paths to every chair. 
(Peggy hums.) Don't sing. (Peggy drops tray on chair.) Pick 
up that tray. (Inspects table.) There, I believe everything is 
ready. Now, Peggy, remember not to talk to me when the ladies 
are here as you do when we are alone. If the house is on fire, 
don't come to me. Do you understand? 

Peggy. I don't know how I'll ever manage without you, ma'am. 

Miss B. You'll have to. 

Peggy. What a beautiful cap that is, ma'am ! 

Miss B. (goes to mirror and adjusts cap). Yes, it's just the 
pattern of one Queen Adelaide wore, and the king complimented 
her because it was so becoming. (A knock, r.) Wait, Peggy, 
wait till I've run upstairs and washed my hands. When I cough, 
open the door; I'll not be a minute. (EXIT l. A short pause, 
then a cough. Peggy opens the r. door.) 



''Cranfofd'' Dames. it 

ENTER Miss Jenkyns and Miss Smith, r. They pass in front 
of the stage to the mirror, l. c. 

Miss Smith. What are those papers on the floor for? 
Miss Jenkyns. To protect the carpet. It is the fashion in 
Cranford. 

While they take off their wraps and fold them carefully, ENTER 
Mrs. Forester and Miss Pole, r. After them Mrs. Jamie- 
son ENTERS zvith a dog in her arms. Peggy assists the 
ladies, who all prink before the glass. When they are ready, 
the ladies say, " After you, Mrs. Jamieson," and she leads the 
way. Miss Barker ENTERS l. and welcomes them. 

Miss B. Good-evening, Mrs. Jamieson ; delighted to see you. 
Good-evening, Mrs. Forester; charmed to see you. Ah, Miss 
Jenkyns, this is kind. Happy to see you, Miss Pole. {Curtly.) 
Good-evening, Miss Smith. {All arc down stage. Peggy tries 
to approach Miss Barker.) Delightful evening after the rain, 
ladies. (Peggy pulls her arm; aside.) What does Peggy want? 
(Aloud.) As I was saying — (Peggy pulls her again; aside.) 
What does Peggy want? (Aloud.) As Captain Brown used to 
say — (another pull) — You remember — (another pull). Poor, 
sweet Carlo, I'm forgetting him. Come downstairs with me, 
poor ittie, bittie doggie, and it shall have its tea, it shall. (Takes 
the dog in her arms and EXIT l., follozvcd by Peggy.) 

Mrs. Forester. I suppose Miss Barker was thinking of Cap- 
tain Brown's saying that the ladies in the town wanted something 
to talk about. 

Miss Pole. I don't think they do. We have the St. James's 
Chronicle three times a week, and we have plenty to say. 

RE-ENTER Miss Barker, l. 

Miss B. Mrs. Jamieson, will you kindly sit here? (She draws 
out a chair.) And Mrs. Forester, will you sit next Mrs. Jamie- 
son? Miss Jenkyns, will you kindly sit next me? And Miss 
Pole, will you take this seat? (Shortly.) Miss Smith, will you 
sit there? (She draws out all chairs but Miss Smith's; smiles 
delightedly. The ladies seat themselves at the tea-table. Miss 
Barker, r., and Miss Jenkyns, l., face the audience; Mrs. 
Jamieson sits at Miss Barker's r., and next her Mrs. Forester; 
opposite them Miss Pole at Miss Jenkyns's l., and next her 
Miss Smith. The side of the table nearest the audience remains 
unoccupied.) Ah, how charming this is! Mrs. Jamieson, shall 
I have the honor of pouring you a cup of tea ? How do you like 
your tea? 



t2 ''Cranfofd'' Dames. 

Mrs. J. Sugar and no cream. 

Miss B. Oh, I am so sorry you will not take cream, Mrs. 
Jamieson ! — cream from my cow. Miss Smith, I keep a cow. 

Miss Smith. I think I have heard of it. 

Miss B. She met with a sad accident, but Captain Brown 
made it all right. Mrs. Forester, how do you like your tea? 
(Miss B. asks all the ladies, and serves them. Peggy ENTERS 
and passes the salad, etc., nudging the ladies if they do not help 
themselves.) Yes, I was speaking of Captain Brown. Miss 
Smith, there was a gentleman once in Cranford. He died. We 
all drop a silent tear when we think of him (ladies take out their 
handkcrcJiiefs), but since he is dead and we can't have him, we 
are glad there is no other gentleman in Cranford. A man is so 
in the way at a party. (Ladies assent.) You have to amuse him 
and find conversation for him. Why, what have you here, Peggy? 

Peggy. Why, it is the salad you made yourself in the kitchen 
this morning, ma'am — 

Miss P. It is delicious. 

Miss B. You are kind to say so, but nothing in the world 
equals Mrs. Forester's bread jelly. If we might only have the 
receipt for that ! 

Mrs. F. There is something sacred about that. I have made 
my will. 

Miss B. Your will, Mrs. Forester? 

Mrs. F. Oh, only about the jelly. I have left the receipt to 
Miss Matilda Jenkyns. After my death she may retain the secret 
or proclaim it to the world. I do not dictate. 

Miss S. How delicious these cakes are ! 

Miss B. They are little cupids — a dish we are very fond of 
in Cranford. 

Miss S. But are they not rather dangerous? 

Miss B. No, I do not think so. I have eaten them all my life 
and experienced no ill results whatever. Another cup of tea with 
cream. Miss Jenkyns? Captain Brown was always joking me 
about my carnivorous beast — or was it graminivorous? I always 
mix those words the same as I do horizontal (makes a perpen- 
dicular line zvith her hand) and perpendicular (makes a horizon- 
tal movement) . But then, you know, four-syllabled words are 
of no use, except to learn to spell. But you have no idea how 
"many yards of flannel it takes to cover a cow. I was nearly 
ruined. 

Miss S. Miss Matty was telling me you had some fears of 
robbers in Cranford. 

Miss P. Yes, we have had one or two burglaries. 

Miss M. We make a regular tour all round the kitchen and 



** Cf anford '' Dames. J3 

cellar every night. I lead the way, armed with the poker, and 
Mary follows with the hearth brush, and Martha carries the 
shovel and tongs to sound the alarm. 

Miss P. I suppose every one — that is, every one but me — has 
fears. Nonsense I call them. 

Miss M. I suppose it is nonsense ; but ever since I was a girl 
I have been afraid of being caught by my last leg just as I was 
getting into bed. When I was young I used to take a flying leap 
from a distance. 

Miss B. We can't do as we used to, dear Miss Matty. Oh, no ! 

Miss M. I don't like to think of looking under a bed and 
seeing a man concealed, with a great fierce face staring out at 
me ; so I have bethought myself of something — perhaps you have 
noticed that I told Martha to buy me a penny ball, such as children 
play with — and now I roll this ball under the bed every night. 
If it comes out on the other side, well and good ; if not, I always 
take care to have my hand on the bell-rope, and mean to call out 
"John" and "Harry," just as if I expected men-servants to 
answer my ring. 

All. What a capital idea ! 

Miss B. Miss Smith, I don't suppose you remember Napoleon 
Bonaparte ? 

Miss S. No— o— o. 

Miss B. I did not think you did, but I remember him. And 
many a night have I lain awake, thinking I heard the tramp of 
the French entering Cranford. Some people wanted to hide 
in the salt-mines, and meat would have kept capitally there, but 
perhaps we should have been thirsty. And your father. Miss 
Matty, preached two sets of sermons — one set in the morning, 
to spirit up the people to fight with bricks and broomsticks, and 
one set in the afternoon, making out that Boney — we used to call 
Bonaparte Boney, Miss Smith — was all the same as Abaddon 
and Apollyon. My father and I used to think those sermons 
ought to be printed ; but perhaps the parish thought it was 
enough to hear them once. And your brother, Miss Matty, copied 
all those twelve sermons. There were people who said he would 
rather have gone fishing. Scandal, of course. 

Miss M. Of course. 

Miss B. Here I am rattling on, and have not asked what your 
special fear is, dear Mrs. Forester. We know Mrs. Jamieson 
fears nothing. 

Mrs. F. I have borrow^ed a boy from one of the neighboring 
cottages and promised his parents a hundredweight of coals at 
Christmas and his supper every evening for the loan of him at 
nights. I instructed him in his possible duties when he first came ; 



H ^'Cranfofd'' Dames. 

and, finding him sensible, I have given him the major's sword, 
and desired him to put it very carefully behind his pillow at 
night, turning the edge toward the head of the pillow. He is 
a sharp lad, I am sure; for, spying out the major's cocked hat, 
he said, if he might have that to wear, he was sure he could 
frighten two Englishmen or four Frenchmen any day. But I 
have impressed upon him anew that he is to lose no time in 
putting on hats or anything else ; but if he hears any noise, he is 
to run at it with his drawn sword. 

Miss S. But are you not afraid he may rush upon Jenny 
getting up to wash, and run her through before he discovers 
that she is not a Frenchman? 

Mrs. F. I do not think that is likely, fer he is a very sound 
sleeper, and generally has to be well shaken or have cold water 
thrown on him before we can rouse him in the morning. I some- 
times think such dead sleep must be owing to the hearty suppers 
the poor lad eats, for he was half starved at home, and I told 
Jenny to see that he got a good meal at night. 

Miss S. But you have not told us your special timidity. 
, Mrs. F. Ghosts. (All start and exclaim, " Ghosts! ") 
' Miss P. Nonsense ; you are troubled with indigestion or 
optical delusions. 

Miss M. I have a little leaning toward ghosts myself. 

Miss P. Spectral illusions ! 

Mrs. F. Ghosts are part of my religion, and I think that I, 
the widow of a major in the army, know what to be frightened 
at and what not. 

Peggy, Please, ma'am, I've seen a ghost with my own eyes 
in Darkness Lane. 

Miss P. Indigestion ! 

Miss B. Peggy! 

Mrs. F. How did the ghost look? 
- Peggy. All in white, ma'am, and without her head. 
-^ Mrs. F. There! 

• Peggy. She was sitting, weeping and wringing her hands. 

• Mrs. F. There! 

• Miss B. Now, ladies, to have a little more cheer, what do you 
say to a game of preference. There are six of us. Four can 
play, and two can play cribbage. 

Miss S. I will play cribbage. 
" Mrs. F. And I. 
"_ Miss P. And I. 

Miss B. No, ladies. I will play cribbage. I do not know 
Spadille from Manile. 
[The ladies sfc/^ down stage while Peggy clears and removes the 



''Cranfofd'' Dames. 13 

tabic and sets the card-table. Mrs. Jamieson sits in the 
easy-chair, r. ; the others stand, l. EXIT Peggy, r. 

Miss P. I suppose, Mrs. Jamieson, you have no fear of bur- 
glars? 

Mrs. J. No; with Carlo I am perfectly safe. 

Miss B. Carlo is such a fierce beast ! 

Mrs. J. But he is a gentle dog. 

Miss B. Oh, very gentle! 

Miss P. What a beautiful brooch. Miss Matty! 

Miss M. Yes, my cousin, Major Jenkyns, sent it to me from 
India. I was afraid to leave it at home, and afraid to wear it. 
As we came here I thought there was a man behind every tree. 
But you have beautiful brooches, Miss Pole. 

Miss P. Yes, I think I have. They are very choice, and so 
I wore them all. See— one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. 
Yes, I have on seven. 

Miss B. But I must admire this lace, Mrs. Forester. 

Mrs. F. Yes, it was made by the nuns. You can't buy it now 
for love or money. 

Miss B. Now, ladies, I have a little surprise for you.^ Such 
a piece of gayety as has not come to Cranford since Smith's lions 
were here, and one of them ate a little child's arm. {Reads from 
an advertising card.) " Signor Brunoni, Grand Magician to the 
King of Delhi, the Rajah of Oude. and the Grand Khan of 
Thibet, will give a performance in Cranford for one night only." 
Now, are you not surprised? " Old Assembly Hall." Ah. that 
place' has its associations. Many is the minuet you have danced 
there, Miss Matty. You, too. Miss Pole. 

Miss P. But how did you know about this? 

Miss B. I saw the placard. You know my little maid, Peggy? 
She has a cousin— second cousin— who scrubs at the Hall. And, 
passing, I thought she would like to know how Peggy was. In 
I went, and saw Signor Brunoni himself. 

Miss P. Oh! how did he look? 

Miss M. Young or old? 

Miss S. Married or unmarried? 

Mrs. F. Was he handsome? 

Miss P. Did he have a beard? , r ,,r ^ 

Miss B Oh, ladies, I thought of Thaddeus of Warsaw, and 
the Hungarian Brothers, and Santo Sebastiani ! But he bowed 
me out. Such a polite bow ! In return I dropped a courtesy. 
Foreigners have such elegant manners. One catches somethmg 
of it. I went home in the greatest excitement and told Peggy to 
prepare me some toasted cheese. 

Mrs. F. Toasted cheese! 



All 
speak 

at 
once. 



i6 '^Cranfofd'' Dames. 

Miss B. Yes, nothing but toasted cheese will soothe my soul 
in moments like that. (Ladies sit at card-fable, c. Mrs. Jamie- 
son snores.) What a compliment! It is very gratifying to me, 
very gratifying, indeed, to see how completely Mrs. Jamieson 
feels at home in my poor little dwelling. She could not have paid 
me a greater compliment. (Gives Miss S. a seat, l., and hands 
her some picture-books.) I know young people like to look at 
pictures. These are fashion magazines of the years 1824- 1825. 
You may find some useful hints. {The ladies draw out their 
old-fashioned purses.) 

Miss B. Shall we play for penny or sixpenny points? 

All. Sixpenny. 

Miss B. It will be more exciting, but there will be more risk. 
(They play.) 

Miss B. Hush, ladies, if you please. Mrs. Jamieson is asleep. 

Mrs. Forester (deaf). What did you say? 

Miss B. Mrs. Jamieson is asleep. Very gratifying, indeed. 
I wish my sister had been alive to see this day. (Ga::es heaven- 
ward.) 

Mrs. F. Your turn. Miss Barker. 

AIiss B. Hush, please, do not waken her. 

ENTER Peggy, r., with tray, decanter, and glasses. 

Mrs. J. (wakes). The room was so light that I have been 
keeping my eyes shut ; but I have been listening with great interest 
to all your amusing and agreeable conversation. 

Miss B. Why, Peggy, what have you brought us? (Offers 
glass to Mrs. Jamieson. EXIT Peggy, l. ) Just a little, leetle 
glass, Mrs. Jamieson, after the salad, you know. Salads are 
sometimes thought not very wholesome. (AIrs. J. accepts; others 
follozu her example. Terrible coughing.) 

Miss P. It's very strong. I do believe there's spirit in it. 

Miss B. Only a little drop — just enough to make it keep. You 
know we put brandy-paper over preserves to make them keep. 
I often feel tipsy myself from eating damson tart. 

Mrs. J. My sister-in-law. Lady Glenmire, is coming to stay 
with me. 

All. Indeed! (Silence.) 

Miss M. I am afraid we must be going. I see it is nine 
o'clock. 

Miss B. Oh, ladies, do not leave me so early. (A knock.) 

ENTER Peggy, l. 

Peggy. The sedan chair has come for IMrs. Jamieson. (Peggy 
brings the 7vraps and helps tJie ladies put them on.) 



'' Cranf ord '' Dames, J7 

Mrs. J. Don't you find it very unpleasant walking? 

Miss P. Oh, dear, no ; it is so pleasant and still at night. 

Mrs. F. Such a refreshment after the excitement of a party. 

Miss M. The stars are so beautiful. 

Mrs. J. Are you fond of astronomy? 

Miss M. Not very. 

Miss B. Thank you, Mrs. Jamieson, for honoring my poor 
house. Thank you, ladies all. (Deep courtesies to each one, 
except Miss Smith.) 

Miss M. We have had a very pleasant evening. 

Miss B. You are kind to say so ! 
[The guests EXEUNT r. door, leaving Miss Barker c. and 
Peggy l. 

CURTAIN. 



THIRD SCENE. 

A Lapse of Two Days. 

Miss Jenkyns's parlor, as before. The table, c, is set with 
dessert oranges, crackers, decanters and glasses, etc. Two 
candles in candlesticks, one of them lighted. Miss Matty 
and Miss Smith are DISCOVERED seated at the table. 

Miss Matty. Will you have an orange, dear? I always like 
to draw the juice with my lips, I do so when I am alone. But it 
makes one look so ! ,1.^1, 

Miss Smith. We might sit with our backs to each other. _ 

Miss M Very well ; I will try not to make the noise offensive. 
(Thev turn their chairs and sit back to back, each with an orange, 
Miss Matty, l., Miss Smith, r.) Well, the majors visit .is 
over, and well over. (Takes a good squeeze at her orange.) 1 
think Martha attended to our directions very well. ^ 

Miss S Yes I was sorry to see her nudge the major when he 
did not help himself to potatoes while she was handing them 
around. (A good squeeze.) Have you had any talk with Martha 
about followers? ^ , , -u-r* 

Miss M. No, but I must now. It is a fearful responsibility. 
Are you sure it is right? (Squeeze.) 

Miss S. Oh, I am sure it is! 



it '*Cr2iniotd'* Dames. 

Martha ENTERS r. Both ladies turn their chairs about and 
resume their former positions. 

Miss M. Martha, you are young — 

Martha (courtesies). Yes, please, ma'am; two and twenty 
last third of October, please, ma'am. 

Miss M. And perhaps, Martha, you may some time meet with 
a young man you like, and who likes you. I did say you were 
not to have followers, but if you meet with such a young man, 
and tell me, and I find he is respectable, I have no objection to 
his coming to see you once a week. You may think it over, 
Martha. 

Martha. Please, ma'am, there's Jem Hearn, and he's a joiner, 
making three and sixpence a day, and six foot one in his stocking 
feet, please, ma'am ; and if you'll ask about him to-morrow morn- 
ing, every one will give him a character for steadiness, and he'll 
be glad enough to come to-morrow night, I'll be bound. 

Miss M. To-morrow night! (EXIT Martha^ r.) It's very 
sudden. You are quite sure it's right? I think it is time to extin- 
guish this candle. I was so excited, I forgot. Dear, dear, how 
uneven they are ! If any one were to call, they would think we 
burned but one candle ! 

Miss S. But nobody does call in the evening. 

Miss M. Excuse me a minute. I want to get some yarn. 

Miss S. Can't I go for you? 

Miss M. No, dear ; you could not find it. Watch the candles 
while I'm gone, and finish your orange if you can do both at the 
same time. ( EXIT, r. A short pause, during which Miss Smith 
is comically occupied with her orange and the candles. Miss 
Matty RE-ENTERS.) 

Miss S. What is the matter? 

Miss M. I am rather uncomfortable. I opened the house door 
for a little fresh air. I heard such a strange noise just as I was 
opening the door. 

Miss S. When? Where? 

Miss M. In the street, just outside. It sounded like — (hesi- 
tates). 

Miss S. Talking? 

Miss M. No — kissing. 

Miss S. Jem Hearn was not far away. 

ENTER Martha, r. 

Martha. Miss Pole is below, ma'am. 

Miss M. Quick, light the other candle. (Miss S. does so.) 
Do they look even? 



''Cranford^' Dames* J9 



ENTER Miss Pole, r. EXIT AIartha. 

Miss Pole. Good-evening, Miss Matty. Good-evening. Miss 
Mary. (Is seated, c.) I came to see how you are after the party. 
Of course, I could not call yesterday while the major was here, 
nor this afternoon, for I knew he wouldn't leave till four. I 
suppose you enjoyed his visit? (Miss Matty hesitates.) 

Miss S. Yes, he was very nice. He brought a Hindoo servant 
with him. 

Miss M. And he reminded me of Bluebeard. 

Miss P. What, the major? 

Miss M. Oh, no, the servant ! I thought Martha would never 
end staring at him, with his brown complexion and his white 
turban. 

Miss P. Did you ever see such a supper as we had at Miss 
Barker's? I am sure you and Mrs. Forester must have seen 
ghosts. I wonder what Mrs. Jamieson thought of that supper? 
Vulgar, I call it. She never has even seed cake in her house. 

Miss M. I know she does practise elegant economy, but I 
thought she enjoyed Miss Barker's supper very much. 

Miss S. I thought we all did. 

Miss P. By the way. you'll think I'm strangely ignorant, but 
do you really know, I am puzzled how we ought to address Lady 
Glenmire. Do you say " Your ladyship " where you would say 
" you " to a common person ? I have been puzzling all the morning. 
And are we to say " My lady " instead of " Ma'am " ? Now, you 
knew Lady Arley— will you kindly tell me the most correct way 
of speaking to the peerage? 

Miss M. It is so long ago. Dear, dear, how stupid I am! 
I don't think I ever saw her more than twice. I know we used 
to call Sir Peter " Sir Peter," but he came much oftener to see us 
than Lady Arley did. Deborah would have known in a minute. 
" My lady "— " Your ladyship." It sounds very strange, and as 
if it were not natural. I never thought of it before, but now you 
have named it. I am all in a puzzle. 

Miss P. Well. I really think I had better just go and tell Mrs. 
Forester about our little difficulty. One sometimes grows ner- 
vous, and yet one would not have Lady Glenmire think we were 
quite ignorant of the etiquettes of high life in Cranford. 

Miss M. And will you just step in here, dear Miss Pole, as 
you come back, please, and tell me what you decide? ^yhatever 
you and Mrs. Forester fix upon will be quite right. I'm sure. 
(EXIT Miss Pole, r.) "Lady Arley," " Sir Peter." 

Miss S. Who is Lady Glenmire? 

Miss M. Oh, she's the widow of Mr. Jamieson— that's Mrs. 



20 ''Cranford'' Dames. 

Jamieson's late husband, you know — widow of his eldest brother. 
Mrs. Jamieson was a Miss Walker, daughter of Governor Walker. 
" Your ladyship." My dear, if they fix on that way of speaking, 
you must just let me practise on you. 

RE-ENTER Miss Pole, r. 

Miss P. Well, to be sure ! We are not to call on Lady Glen- 
mire. I met Mrs. Jamieson, and she told me. Yes, she wants 
to have her sister-in-law think she visits only county families. 
She took me so by surprise, I had nothing to say. I wish I had 
thought of something very sharp and sarcastic. I dare say I shall 
to-night. (Sits down, c.) And Lady Glenmire is but the widow 
of a Scotch baron, after all ! I went on to look at Mrs. Forester's 
" Peerage " to see who this lady was that is to be kept under 
a glass case ; widow of a Scotch peer — never sat in the House of 
Lords — and as poor as Job, I dare say ; and she — fifth daughter 
of some Mr. Campbell or other. You are the daughter of a 
rector, at any rate, and related to the Arleys ; and Sir Peter might 
have been Viscount Arley every one says. And I went and 
ordered a cap this morning, to be quite ready. Mrs. Jamieson 
shall see if it is so easy to get me to make fourth at pool when 
she has none of her fine Scotch relations with her ! Too good to 
be looked at, I suppose. 

Miss M. Martha saw her yesterday. Here she comes, and 
she will tell you how my lady looks. 

ENTER Martha, r. 

Martha. Well, ma'am, is it the little lady w^ith Mrs. Jamieson 
you mean? I thought you would like more to know how young 
Mrs. Jones was dressed, her being a bride — 

Miss P. Good gracious me ! As if w^e cared about a Mrs. 
Jones — the baker's bride ! 

Martha. The little lady with Mrs. Jamieson had on, ma'am, 
rather an old black silk, and a shepherd's plaid cloak, ma'am, and 
very bright black eyes she had, ma'am, and a pleasant, sharp face ; 
not over young, ma'am, but yet I should guess younger than Mrs. 
Jamieson herself. She looked up and down like a bird, and nipped 
up her petticoats when she came out, as quick and sharp as ever 
I see. I'll tell you what, ma'am, she's more like Mrs. Deacon at 
the " Coach and Horses " nor any one else. 

Miss M. Hush, Martha! That's not respectful. 

Martha. Isn't it, ma'am? I beg pardon, I'm sure; but Jem 



''Cranford'^ Dames. 2i 

Hearn said so as well. He said she was just such a sharp, stirring 
sort of a body — 

Miss P. Lady! 

Martha. Lady — as Mrs. Deacon. 

CURTAIN. 



FOURTH SCENE. 

A Lapse of Ten Days. 

Mtss Jenkyns's parlor, as in the first scene. Miss Matty is 
DISCOVERED, seated l. Miss Smith sits r. 

Miss Smith. I wonder if Lady Glenmire has found the past 
ten days lively at Mrs. Jamieson's? 

Miss Matty. I had almost forgotten she was in town. The 
first Sunday I would not look at her, and the second I hardly 
remembered that there was such a person. 

ENTER Martha, r., with a sealed note. 

Martha. A note for Miss Jenkyns, ma'am. (Hands note, and 
EXIT.) 

Miss M. (opens and reads it). An invitation from Mrs. Jamie- 
son to take tea with her next Tuesday — a small party. I think 
we will have a previous engagement at home. 

ENTER Miss Pole, r., with an open note. 

Miss Pole. So ! Ah, I see you have got your note too. Better 
late than never. I could have told my Lady Glenmire she would 
be glad enough of our society before a fortnight was over. 

Miss M. Yes, we're asked for Tuesday evening. And perhaps 
you would just kindly bring your work across and drink tea with 
us that night. It is my usual regular time for looking over the 
last week's bills and notes and letters, and making candle-lighters 
of them. But that does not seem quite reason enough for saying 
I have a previous engagement at home, though I meant to make 



22 ^'Cranford'' Dames. 

it do. Now, if you would come, my conscience would be quite at 
ease, and luckily the note is not written yet ! 

Miss P. Don't you mean to go then? 

Miss M. Oh, no ! You don't either, I suppose ? 

Miss P. I don't know. Yes, I think I do. You see, one would 
not like Mrs. Jamieson to think that anything she could do or 
say was of consequence enough to give offence ; it would be a 
kind of letting down of ourselves, that I, for one, should not like. 
It would be too flattering to Mrs. Jamieson if we allowed her to 
suppose that what she had said affected us a week — nay, ten days 
— afterward. 

Miss M. Well, I suppose it is wrong to be hurt and annoyed 
so long about anything; and perhaps, after all, she did not mean 
to vex us. But I must say I could not have brought myself to 
say the things Mrs. Jamieson did about our not calling. I really 
don't think I shall go. 

Miss P. Oh, come ! Miss Matty, you must go. You know 
our friend, Mrs. Jamieson, does not enter into the little delicacies 
of feeling you possess in a remarkable degree. 

Miss M. I thought you possessed them, too, that day Mrs. 
Jamieson asked you not to call. 

Miss P. I think we ought to be ready to forget and forgive. 

Miss M. I have nothing to forgive — but — 

Miss P. But you are not willing to forget. Now, I think it 
is your duty as the daughter of the late rector to buy a new cap 
and go to the party. 

Miss M. I think I must have a new cap. I have heard that 
turbans are the fashion. I know I am too old to care for dress, 
but yellow "is my favorite color. 

Miss P. And what shall we talk about? 

Miss M. Sugar has risen — and just at preserving time, too. 

Miss P. But are you sure the Peerage eat preserves? 

Miss S. Or know how they are made? 

Miss P. I shall ask her ladyship if she has been at court lately. 

Miss M. Capital ! I believe Lady Glenmire lives in Edinboro'. 

Miss P. I had an uncle who once passed a night there. 

Miss M. That is very pleasant. 

Miss S. Oh, we shall get on finely ! 

CURTAIN. 



''Cranford'' Dames. 23 

FIFTH SCENE. 

A Lapse of Seven Days. 

Miss Jenkyns's parlor, as before. Miss Matty and Miss Smith 
are DISCOVERED, both seated, r. 

Miss Matty. I think Lady Glenmire is very nice, don't you? 

Miss Smith. Yes, indeed. 

Miss M. And we passed a very pleasant evening. 

Miss S. Yes, but I came home pretty hungry. What thin 
bread and butter, and what weak tea! And Carlo had all the 
cream and left us the milk. (A noise is heard off r.) 

Miss M. Did you hear some one on the stairs? It is not 
twelve yet. I must change my cap. (They hurry l. as fast as 
Miss Matty's rheumatism will allow.) 

ENTER Miss Pole, hurriedly, r. 

Miss Pole (r.). Don't go — I can't wait— it is not twelve, I 
know — but never mind your dress — I must speak to you. What 
do you think, Miss Matty? What do you think? Lady Glenmire 
is to marry — is to be married, I mean — Lady Glenmire — Mr. 
Hoggins — Mr. Hoggins is going to marry Lady Glenmire! 

Miss M. j 

and V Marry ! Marry ! Madness ! 

Miss S. ) 

Miss P. Marry ! / said " marry ! " as you do ! And I said 
also, "What a fool my lady is going to make of herself!" I 
could have said, " Madness," but I controlled myself, for it was 
in a public shop that I heard of it. Where feminine delicacy is 
gone to I don't know ! You and I, Miss Matty, would have been 
ashamed to know that our marriage was spoken of in a grocer's 
shop, in the hearing of shopmen! (Miss Matty, Miss Smith, 
and Miss Pole seat themselves r.) 

Miss M. But perhaps we are doing her an injustice. 

Miss P. No. I have taken care to ascertain that. I went 
straight to Mrs. Fitz-Adam to borrow a cookery book which I 
knew she had, and I introduced my congratulations a propos of 
the difficulty gentlemen must have in housekeeping. And Mrs. 
Fitz-Adam bridled up. and said she believed it was true, though 
how and where I could have heard it she did not know. She 
said her brother and Lady Glenmire had come to an understanding 
at last. " Understanding ! " Such a coarse word ! But my lady 



24 "Cranfofd'' Dames. 

will have to come down to many a want of refinement. I have 
reason to believe Mr. Hoggins sups on bread and cheese and beer 
every night. 

Miss M, Marry! Well, I never thought of it. Two people 
that we know going to marry! It's coming very near — 

Miss P. So near that my heart stopped beating when I heard 
of it, while you might have counted twelve. 

Miss M. One does not know whose turn may come next. 
Here in Cranford poor Lady Glenmire might have thought herself 
safe. 

Miss P. Bah ! Don't you remember poor dear Captain Brown's 
song, " Tibbie Fowler," and the lines — 

" Set her on the Tintock Tap, 
The wind will blaw a man till her"? 

Miss M. That was because " Tibbie Fowler " was rich, I 
think. 

Miss P. Well ! There is a kind of attraction about Lady 
Glenmire that I, for one, should be ashamed to have. 

Miss S. But how can she have fancied Mr. Hoggins? I am 
not surprised that Mr. Hoggins should like her. 

Miss M. Oh, I don't know. Mr. Hoggins is rich, and very 
pleasant-looking, and very good-tempered and kind-hearted. 

Miss P. She has married for an establishment, that's it. I 
suppose she takes the surgery with it. 

Miss M. What will Mrs. Jamieson say? 

Miss S. When will it take place? 

Miss P. Where? 

Miss M. How much a year has he? 

Miss S. Will she drop her title? 

Miss M. How can we teach the servants to announce a mar- 
ried couple as Lady Glenmire and Mr. Hoggins? 

Miss S. Will they be visited? 

Miss M. Will Mrs. Jamieson let us? 

Miss S. I like Lady Glenmire the best. She is bright and 
sociable and agreeable, and Mrs. Jamieson is — 

Miss M. Hush, dear. 

ENTER Mrs. Forester, r. 

Miss P. (rises). What do you think, Mrs. Forester? What 
do you think? Lady Glenmire is to marry. Lady Glenmire — 
Mr. Hoggins — Mr. Hoggins — Lady Glenmire — 

Miss M. What do you think? 



''Cranfofd'^ Dames. 25 

Mrs. Forester. Horrible ! Such conduct brings stains upon 
the aristocracy. I feel for my Order. (Sinks into chair, r.) 

Miss P. The idea of his daring to ask her ! But men will be 
men. Every mother's son of them wishes to be considered Samson 
and Solomon rolled into one — too strong ever to be beaten or 
discomfited — too wise ever to be outwitted — too fascinating ever 
to be resisted. (Seats herself, r.) 

Mrs. F. They are very incomprehensible, certainly. 

Miss P. My father was a man, and I know the sex pretty well. 

Miss M. I don't mean to deny that men are troublesome in 
a house. I don't judge from my own experience, for my father 
was neatness itself, and wiped his shoes on coming in as care- 
fully as any woman. But still, a man has a sort of knowledge 
of what should be done in difficulties, so that it is very pleasant 
to have one at hand ready to lean upon. Now, Lady Glenmire, 
instead of being tossed about and wondering where she is to settle, 
will be certain of a home among pleasant and kind people, such 
as our good Miss Pole and Mrs. Forester. It is fifteen years 
since I have heard of any of my acquaintance being married. It 
gives me a shock. I can't think what may happen next. 

[A moment's silence. The ladies, in a group dozvn r., fall into 
a dream. The strains of the Wedding March are heard. An 
effective finale can be made by a procession of Brides, thus: 
The rear Hat is raised or drawn off, disclosing behind it 
a drop curtain, which extends across the stage, somewhat in 
front of the rear zvall. The Brides enter from the r., pass 
across the stage slowly and sufficiently far apart to allow full 
sweep for their trains, and disappear l. They then return, 
behind the rear curtain, to the r. entrance and re-enter in 
turn, thus giving the appearance of a long procession. If 
a calcium light is used, lower all front lights and throw 
calcium upon the procession; otherwise keep all lights up. 



MUSIC— CURTAIN. 



I 



M. F. 



Drama of city life ; 3 acts ; 2% hours 

The great Labor drama; 3 acts; 



Dramas and Comedies 

(IS CENTS EACH.) 

Imogen© ! or, The Witch's Secret. Strong and realistic drama; 4 
acts ; ■!% hours 

Crawford's "Claim "("Nugget Nell"). 4 acts; good, rattling 

Western drama ; 2% hours 

Tried and True 

*' Strife ! " (" Master and Men ') 

■2% hours 
Under a Cloud. Bright and pleasing comedy-drama; 2 acts: 1% 

hours 5 2 

Saved From the Wreck. Drama ; serio-comic ; 3 acts ; 2 hours 8 3 

Between Two Fires. Drama; military plot ; 3 acts ; 2 hours 8 3 

By Force of Impulse. (" Off to the War "). Comic and emotional ; 5 

acts ; 2 J^ hours 9 3 

The Woven Web. Drama; strong and sparkling; 4 acts; 2^^ hours... 7 3 
Uncle fom S Cabin. An old favorite, re-written so that it can be 

played in any hall ; 5 acts ; 2% hours 7 5 

My Awful Pad. A side-splitting comedy ; 3 acts , 2 hours 6 6 

" Engaged. '^ Society comedy; full of burlesque fun; 3 acts; 2^^ hours.. 5 5 
The Wanderer's Return (" Enoch Arden "). Drama, with a strong 

plot and effective characters ; 4 acts ; 2^ hours 6 4 

The Cr'Cket on the Hearth. Dickens' story-dramatized; 3 acts; 2 hours. 6 6 
"Single" Life. Uproariously funny comedy; bachelors and spin- 
sters ; J acts ; 2 hours ._ 5 5 

Married Life. A companion piece, equally comic ; 5 married 

couples ; 3 acts ; 2 hours 5 5 

"Olir Boys." Comedy ; always succeeds ; 3 acts ; 2 hours 6 4 

IVTlrlam's Crime. Excellent serio-comic drama, with mirth as well as 

pathos ; 3 acts ; 2 hours 5 2 

Meg 8 Diversion. Drama; pathetic, humorous and picturesque; 2 

acts ; iK hours 5 3 

A Scrap of Paper. Comedy ; full of healthy fun ; 3 acts ; 2 hours 6 6 

Woodcock's Little Game. Farce-comedy ; extravagantly funny ; 2 

acts ; I hour 4 

Lady Aud ley's Secret. Emotional drama from Miss Braddon's novel ; 

2 acts, I J^ hours , 4 

Not So Bad After All (" Is Marriage a Failure ? "). Comedy ; % acts ; 

2 hours ^ o , 6 

Timothv Delano's Courtship. Yankee Comedy; 2 acts ;i hour 2 

Sweethearts. A beautiful comedy combining fun and pathos ; a acts ; 

I hour 2 

Uncle Jack. Drama; comic, with a good moral ; i act ; iJ^hour».... 3 
Rebecca and Rowena. 'Burlesque comedy dramatized from Scott's 

" Ivanhoe " ; 5 acts ; i hour 3 

Home. Comedy ; fresh dialogue and genuine humor combined with a 

very strong plot ; 3 acts ; 2 hours 4 

Caste. Comedy that always delights the public ; 3 acts ; 2% hours. . . 5 
The Triple Wedding. Short, excellent drama of home life; 3 acts; 

i'^ hours ^ 

All that Glitters is Not Gold (" The Factory Girl'). Comic Drama 

of great force ; 2 acts 6 

Not Such a Fool as He Looks. Comedy; alternate sentiment and 

roaring fun; 3 acts ; 2j^ hours 5 

Solon Shingle ("The People's Lawyer"). Yankee Comedy; 2 acts; 

rj/^ hours 7 2 

Out in theJStreetS. Drama; always received with enthusiasm; 3 

acts: iTiour 6 4 

Broken Promises. 5 acts ; a strong temperance play of unflagging in- 
terest, relieved with much eccentric humor; labours 6 3 

Ten Nights in a Barroom. 5 acts; plays 2 hours; new and simplified 

version of an old favorite that will draw hundreds where other 

plays draw dozens 7 4 

HAROLD ROORBACH, Publisher, 132 Nassau St., N. Y. 



^'%/%/^'%/%>'%^^%/%/%. 



i 



Dramas and Comedies 

(AT 25 CENTS EACH.) M. F. 

Breaking His Bonds. Strong Drama with comic underplay; 4 acts; 

2 hours 5 , 

The Jail Bird. Drama of city life, containing a vivid plot with well 

diversified interest ; 5 acts ; 2^ hours 6 3 

Golden Gulch ("The Government Scout"). Drama that combines 

fun, sentiment and exciting situations ; 3 acts ; 2j^ hours n 3 

The Man from Maine. Comedy-drama with a wide-awake hero from 

" down East " ; 5 acts ; zji hours. . . . > o » 

Shaun Aroon. Stirring Drama of Home Life in Ireland; 3 acts; 2 

hours J 2 

"The Deacon." Comedy-drama that is simply immense; old-man 

leading character ; 5 acts ; 2^4 hours 6 6 

What's Next ? Farce-comedy ; 3 acts ; plays 150 minutes ; raises 150 

laughs J 4 

The New Partner. Comedy-drama ; strong plot moving episodes and 

roaring comedy ; 3 acts ; 2^4 hours 8 4 

Josiah's Courtship. Farcical Comedy-Drama; uproarious comedy 

features alternate with forceful, but not heavy, pathos ; 4 acts ; 

2 hours 7 4 

Eyin Go Bragh. An up-to-date Irish Drama in 3 acts; plays 2 hours; 

both serious and comic in scope ; not sensational 5 4 

Plays for Female Characters Only 

(15 CENTS EACH.) M. F. 

Who's to Inherit ? i act ; brisk and comic 9 

Mrs. WIIIIp' Will, i act ; neat, funny and bright 5 

My Aunt's heiress, i act ; has a " Cinderella " plot n 

The "Sweet" Family. Musical, wise and otherwise; will make a 

mummy laugh 8 

A Lesson in Elegance (" The Glass of Fashion "). Society comedy ; 

I act 4 

Murder Will Out. i act; humorous, with a moral 6 

A Slight Mistake, i act ; enforces a moral in a comic way 5 

Fast Friends, i act ; society quarrel and reconciliation 2 

A Fair Encounter, i act ; bright, with a diamond-cut-diamond plot.. 2 

Plays for Male Characters Only 

(15 CENTS EACH.) ^ M. F, 

The Lost Heir. Drama in 3 acts ; excellent plot of unflagging interest. 10 

" Medlca." Roaring farce in i act ; sure to please 7 

Wanted, A Confidential Clerk. Farce in i act; comic and spirited... 6 

Old Cronies. Farce in i act ; rollicking fun all through 2 

April Fools. Farce in i act ; brisk, bright and comic 3 

The Darkey Wood Dealer. Farce in i act; always scores a success... 3 

Mischievous Bob. Comic drama in i act ; good moral 6 

The Wrong Bottle. Temperance sketch in i act 2 

Well Fixed for a Rainy Day. Temperance Drama in i act 5 

The Harvest Storm. Drama in i act ; strong in its interest, with a 

comic underplot 10 

Furnished Apartments. Farce in x act ; very laughable in its absurd 

complications 5 

The Widow's Proposals. A " Widow Bedott " farce in i act 3 

A Manager's Trials. Farce in i act ; creates shouts of laughter 9 

The Bachelor's Bedroom ("Two in the Morning"). Farce in i act .. 2 

The Dutchman in Ireland. Farce in i act; good characters 3 

The Nigger Night School. Farce in i act; a "screamer" with 

specialties 6 

A Holy Terror. Farce in i act ; white or black faces ; specialties can 

be worked in ; uproariously funny 4 

HAROLD ROORBACK, Publisher, 132 Nassau St., N. Y. 



i 



r 



Exhibition Drills and Marches 

(IS CENTS EACH.) 



The Bootblack Drill. A comic novelty drill for several boys or girls repre- 
senting bootblacks. It is a living picture from real life, don« h» motion. 

The Clown's Horn Drill. A fantastic drill and march for boys or young 
men. The performers represent clowns who go through a comical man- 
ual, with tin horns. Contains, also, a dumb-bell exercise which may be 
retained or omitted. 

A Dutch Flirtation. A handkerchief drill for small cirls, which carries out 
a clever little comedy in movement. Simple, aaa shoil enough for little 
folks to execute without fatigue, and is at once graceful and comical. _ 

The Intllan Huntresses. A bow and arrow drill for girls of any age. Pict- 
uresque, with graceful figures ar.d tableau effects. 

John Brown-'S Ten Little Injuns. A tomahawk march and drill for small 
boys or young men. The march, manual and chorus are all done to the 
old tune of the same name. Comic. 

The March of the Chinese Lanterns. A spectacular novelty drill and march 
for girls or young ladies. The drill and calisthenics are novel, and the 
march forms various graceful figures and pretty tableaux. 

IVIaud Muller Drill. A pretty pantomime drill for young ladies and gentle- 
men. Appropriate passages selected from Tennyson's poem are recited 
by a rcaaer, while the story is acted out in marches, motions and poses. 

Red Riding Hood Drill. A novelty story in drill and song, for little folks. 
The story is represented in pantomime, with various figures, poses, mo- 
tions and short songs. 

Spring Garlands. A flower drill for young people of both sexes, represent- 
ing maids and gallants of ye olden tyme. Graceful calisthenic poses, 
evolutions with garlands and pretty marching figures, make a very pict- 
uresque and old-time effect. 

The Turk-ey Drill. A nonsense comedy song-drill for boys or young men ; a 
suggestion of Thanksgiving Day. 
jk The Vestal Virgins. A spectacular taper-drill for girls or young ladies— a 
^ Sybil and any number of virgins. Works out a cU»sic theme with pretty 

^ effect. Interwoven are pose-studies, marching figures and a gallery of 

the Muses. 

Th« Witches' March and Broom Drill. A fantastic drill for girls or young 
ladies, presenting a succession of contrasts in movement and pose. It is 
quite novel and striking. 



Various Entertainments 

(25 CENTS EACH.) 

The Japanese Wedding. A pantomime representation of the wedding cere- 
mony as it is done in Japan. Requires 13 performers and lasts about 50 
minutes. Is exceedingly effective. 

An Old Plantation Night. A musical and elocutionary medley for a double 
quartet. Is not a " minstrel " show, but represents the life of the old- 
time darkies, interspersed with song and story. 

The Gypsies' Festival. A musical entertainment for children, introducing 
the GLypsy Queen, Fortune-teller, Yankee Peddler, and a chorus of Gyp- 
sies of any desired number. 

The Court etVing Christmas. A Cantata for young folks, representing the 
Chrlstn»as nreparations in Santa Claus land. Young people, from six to 
sixtv, are ^ways delighted with it. 

King Winter's Carnival. An operetta for children^ with 10 speaking parts 
and chorus. The action takes place in King Winter's apartments at the 
North Pole. Ends in a minuet. 

The Fairies' TrIbimaJ. A juvenile operetta for 9 principal characters and a 
chorus. Interspersed are pretty motion-songs, dances and marches, a 
drill and some good tableaux. Entertains both old and young. 

HAROLD ROORBACH, Publisher, 13a Nassau St., N. Y. 



A BUNCH OF ROSES 

A Burlesque Musical Entertainment, By W. D. Felter 

PRICE, 15 CENTS 

CASf OF Characters 

Mrs. Phcf.bk Ann Rose /rotn Kalamazoo 

Prudence Lobelia \ 

Polly Clorinda | 

Priscilla I ./ D T /■ n 

Pamelia f ike Bunch 0/ Roses 

Patience I 

Penelope j 
Lilly \ 

vtoLET f the Rose-buds 

Daisy ) 

Sally Sparks ivha only '"'' thinks so.''^ 

Matilda Jane the Hired Girl 

Melvin AIelrose the Only Young RIan on the Spot 

A burlesque musical entertainment in i act, by W. D. Felter (author of " The Sweet 
Family," etc.), i male, 13 female characters. Time of performance about ij^ hours. 
This is a miscellaneous programme rendered for the benefit of " The Free Ice Fund 
for the Philippine Islanders." It includes various "specialties," living pictures, 
Mother-Goose chorus, etc., and concludes with a burlesque operetta entitled "John- 
ny Jones." The Roses, the Rosebuds and the Only Young Man on the Spot make up 
an entertainment that cannot fail to excite continuous mirth for the better part of an 
evening. The author has produced this burlesque at church entertainments in many 
parts of the country, with unvarying success. 

GERTRUDE MASON, M.D. 

Or, THE LADY DOCTOR 

A Farce in One Act, for Female Characters, By 
L. M. C. Armstrong 

price, 15 cents 
Cast of Characters 

Gertrude Mason, M.D a young Physician 

Bertha Lawrence I / 7- • . 

Ella Gray \ her Friends 

Miss Jane SiMPKiNS a Spinster of Uncertain A ge^ 

Mrs. Van Style one of the'" 400'' 

NoR.\H D^"- Mason'' s Cook 

Marie « Lady's Maid 

Time. — The Present. Place, — New York. 
Time of Representation. — Thirty Minutes. 

An exceedingly bright piece for young ladies, in which young Dr. Gertrude, 
already a victim of circumstances, is made the victim of a practical joke. The scenes 
with Mrs. Van Style^who mistakes the doctor for a pawnbroker, and Miss Jane 
Sim/>kins, who brings a sick dog to be cured, are hilarious, while Nora^ an Irish cook, 
is deliciously droll. The cook is the star of the piece, but all the personages are 
vivacious and every situation bristles with fun, 

Harold Roorbach, Publisher, 132 Nassau Street, New York 



016 102 574 4 



TOWNSEND'S 

"AHATEUR THEATRICALS." 

A Practical Guide /or Amateur Actors. 
PRICE, 25 CENTS. 

This Trork, without a rival in tiie field of dramatic literature, covers the en- 
tire subject of amateur acting, and answers the thousand and one questions that 
arise constantly to v7orry and perplex both actor and manager. It tells how to 
select plays and what plays to select; how to get up a dramatic club— whom to 
choose and whom to avoid ; how to select characters, showing who should assume 
particular roies • how to rehearse a play properly— including stage business, by- 
play, voice, gestures, action, etc. ; how to represent all the passions and emo- 
tions, from Love to Hate (this chapter Is worth many times the price of the book, 
a« the same information cannot be found in any similar work); how to costume 
modern plays. All is told in such a plain, simple style that the veriest tyro can 
understand. The details are so complete and the descriptions so clear that the _ 
most inexperienced can follow them readily. The book is full of breezy anecdotes ( 
( that illustrate different points. But its crowning merit is that it is thoroughly { 
PRACTICAL— it is the result of the author's long experience as an actor and man- 
ager. Every dramatic club in the land should possess a copy of this book, and no 
actor can afford to be without it. It contains so much valuable information that 
even old stagers will consult It with advantage. 

HELMER'S 

ACTOR'5 MAKE=UP BOOK. 

A Fraciical and Systematic Guide to the Art of Making-uf for the Stage. \ 
PRICE, 25 CENTS. 

Facial, make-up has much to do with an actor's success. This manual is a perfect 
encyclopedia of a branch of knowledge most essential to ail players. It is well 
written, systematic, exhaustive, practical, unique. Professional and amateur 
actors and actresses alike pronounce it the best make-up book ever published. 
It is simply indispensable to those who cannot command the services of a per- 
ruquier. 

CONTENTS. 

Chapter!. Theatrical Wias.— The Style and Form of Theatrical Wigs and 
Beards. The Color and Shading of Theatrical Wigs and Beards. Directions for 
Measuring the Head. To put on a Wig properly. 

Chapter II. Theatrical Beards.— How to fashion a Beard out of Crepe Hair. 
How to make Beards of Wool. The growth of Beard simulated. 

Chapter III. The Make-up.— A successful Character Mask, and how to make 
It. Perspiration during performance, how removed. 

Chapter IV. The Make-up Box.— Grease Paint . Grea.^e Paints In Sticks ; Flesh 
Cream; Face Powder; How to use Face Powder as a IJquid Cream; The various 
shades of Face Powder. Water Cosmetique. Nose Putty. Court Plaster. Cocoa f 
Butter. Crepe Hair and Prepared Wool. Grenadine. Dorin's Rouge. "Oldj 
Man's" Rouge. "Juvenile" Rouge. Spirit Gum. Email Noir. Bear's Grease. 
Eyebrow Pencils. Artist's Stomps. Powder Puffs. Hare's Feet. Camel's-hair 
Brushes. 

Chapter V. Thk Feattjkes and their Treatment.— The Eyes % Blindness, fhe 
Eyelids. The Eyebrows : How to paint out an eyebrow or mustache; How to 
paste on eyebrows; How to regulate bushy eyebrows. The Eyelashes : To alter 
the appearance of the eyes. The Ears. The Nose: A Roman nose; How to use 
the nose putty; apugnose; an African nose; a large nose apparently reduced in 
size. The Mouth and Lips s a juvenile mouth; an old mouth; a sensuous mouth; 
a satirical mouth; a one-sided mouth; a merry mouth; a sullen mouth. The 
Teeth. The Neck, Arms, Hands and Finger-nails: Finger-nails lengthened. 
Wrinkles: Piiendliness and SuUenness indicated by wrinkles. Shading. A 
Starving Character. A Cut in the Face. A Thin Face made Fleshy. 

Chapter VL Typical Character Masks— The Make-up for Youth; Dimpled 
Cheeks. Manhood. Middle Age. Making up as a Drunkard: One method; an- 
other method. Old Age. Negroes. Moors. Chinese, King Lear. Shylock. Mac- 
beth, Richelieu. Statuarv. Clo^vns. 

Chapter VIL Spkoial Hints to Ladies.— The Make-up. Theatrical Wigs and 
Hair Goodft, 

^ J^T" Copies of the above will he mailed, post-paid, *" any address, on 
receipt of the annexed prices, 

HAROLD ROORBACH, Publisher, 133 Nassau St., N. Y. 








CXjfyyJL^ 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




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016 102 574 4 



